As for an experience that left me speechless...let me think. I was messing with this woman that begged me to stand in the shower naked while she beat me with a wet whip. I was like, "FUCK YOU!!!"  Oh yeah...and this is kinda on the same issue that we were talkin' bout.  One time while fucking the shit outta this one female that I use to date...I shot a shit load of cum inside her at the same time she was cumming...then she pushed me down between her legs to eat her pussy while the it leaked out. It surprised me because she didn't give so advanced warning....but truth be told if the mood was right and I my freak meter was on high, I would probably do it again.

What does this mean? 

I had a friend come into town and we did that damn thing. The next morning I notice the color of his boxers he had from just looking. I noticed that before he took his shower he pulled out another pair and went into the bathroom, did whatever and got dressed. He left later that day and when I was changing the sheets I notice he left the pair I saw that he had on when getting dressed. People leave things so I really did not look into that. Now my floor is very clean and I did not see anything for 2 days after he left. I went under my bed to retrieve a box and there up under the bed was the underwear I saw that he had to change into. I know that he did not leave without any on. I was like DAMN another pair of drawls. Who leaves and for that fact, what man leaves 2 pair of underwear at someone's house. And why was one pair way up under my bed. I asked my female friends and they start screaming that voodoo stuff and that he was trying to make sure I would not seek another male. LOL. I was seriously trying to see how he left 2 pairs. He had to notice that the pair he pulled out was not with him. I would think that would make him come back in the room and look for them. They asked how things went down and I shared some details so that they would get maybe why he would have do that if it was on purpose. Well #1 he was the 1st guy I let give me oral stimulation, so he was happy about that. #2 I returned the favor and I made him shake so bad (which I never did before) that he kept pulling away and got up and told me that he had to get away from me (I did I over do it or freak him out?). #3 In the course of repeatedly making me cum, he found out that I overly gush/squirt. I gave him back massages and found his erogenous zones which had him going but I have massaged past boyfriends which was not a big deal to me to do the same to him (I'm a Physical Therapist so I am aware of certain spots). Cook him and his cousin a good big breakfast that gave them the "itis". My male friends said I must have put it on him so good that he wanted to mark his territory until he can come back to see me in 2 weeks. What is your take on all this?

Javon64

Shit, what’s my take on all this?  Can a brother get your number and house address…does that answer your question?  Sweetheart, thank you for writing and may I just say that you are a man’s dream girl.  You give professional massages, not the cheesy kind that we men call ourselves giving women just so we can slide her clothes off.  You give dynamite head, you squirt, but most importantly, YOU CAN COOK!  Now I don’t know if you planned this all along but by cooking a good meal for both his cousin and him, you definitely gain an extra fan.  I’m willing to bet you anything that his cousin has told him that you’re a keeper.  When a woman shows her man’s friends and family love in the early stages of any relationship she gets major kudos.  You see what you have unwittingly done by doing the combination of things you named, is sprung this dude of yours.  He’s doing all of the things that women do when they want to send a message that this is their property.  I can’t count times women use to stash pantyhose, socks, earrings, and anything else at my place unknown to me so that if I bring another woman there it would cause problems.  Your men friends are absolutely correct when they say that he is marking his territory…but your lady friends might also be correct when they say it could be some voodoo shit.  I saw all of this because of all the different women whose homes I use to crash at for days at a time, I never once left an article of clothing, intentional.  This is not to say that men don’t do it, it’s just not as common as women leaving stuff at men’s homes.  As far as the voodoo thing goes, my granny was from the south and she use to always tell me things that women and men would do to get and keep a partner.  One of those very things that she told me relates to your situation.  There’s a saying in the south that if you bury your partners underwear in the backyard they will never leave you.  There is another one that states that if a woman mixes a smidgen of her menstrual cycle into some spaghetti and serves it to her man he will never fuck with another woman and will fall helplessly in love with you.  Basically what I’m getting at is that there are tons of old school sayings out in the world and as sure as I have heard a few, others have as well.  Whose to say that there isn’t a saying that if a man leaves his underwear underneath the woman’s bed whom he desires that she will be unable to have sex with another man in that bed.  But that’s only if you believe in that sort of thing, right? (Smile)

In Conclusion:  I think the best way to find out a person’s true intentions is to just ask them, plain and simple.  From reading your email I could actually feel the energy of your happiness and enthusiasm coming through your words.  I can tell that for the most part you are thrilled by the fact that a man would go to such extremes to keep you all to himself.  From everything that you told me this is a wonderful situation that you’re in, as long as it stays as harmless as leaving a pair of shorts at your place from time to time.  When dealing with any man or woman that is willing to go to such extents one must always question their overall jealousy and possessive personality traits.  While this is could be an early warning sign, it’s certainly nothing for you to get alarmed about—I would just question the fact that if this man was will to intentionally stash articles of clothing at my place to maybe chase off other men, what else would he be willing to do as we get closer.  In reality there could be any number of reason that he left the underwear at your place, and it could be as simple as he just forgot them (highly unlikely).  What I would do if I were you is just ask him in a jokingly way if he is trying to keep other men away from you by leaving his manly underwear at your place.  The question will no doubt catch him off guard and he will be forced to fess up.

God Bless!     


  

Is it possible to turn a sex partner relationship into a serious relationship after over a year??? 

Javon64/  

 

Let me just say thank you for writing, and that this is actually a very good question.  Now as for the answer…yes it is possible to turn a one year sexual relationship into a serious one.  Now keep in mind that I only say this because anything is possible.  What you should have asked me is what are the chances of it actually happening?  You see, when a ‘friends with benefits’ type of arrangement goes this long without a serious commitment materializing, usually it’s all because of the man.  To make you better understand where I’m coming from I want you to think about something.  I’m sure you’ve heard that saying that men and women who move in together are less likely to ever end up tying the knot.  Reason being is that most men that are living together happily with their woman don’t see the reason to go running off to get married.  I mean what’s the point of running out to get a title if theirs really nothing to gain by doing it.  Think about it.  He gets ass on the regular…3 square meals a day, headaches (lol), and everything else that saying, “I do,” would bring anyway.  So why go strolling down the aisle to get a contract drew up for the shit if he don’t have to?(lol).  Same goes with situations like the one you asked about.  While it may seem like a no-brainer to you, because you’ve been dealing with this person for a year—to a man it’s not so easy.  Going back to if it ain’t broke don’t fix it, why add a title to a situation if by doing so that situation isn’t going to change much.  Can it me done, yes…but both people—as with anything—need to want the same thing.  It can’t just be one person wanting to elevate the booty call arrangement to a serious relationship, while deep down the other one is satisfied with the way things are already. 

In Conclusion: My advice to anyone going through something like this is to have a serious talk with the other person and find out if the two of you are on the same page.  If you are then you either need to decide if it’s purely a sexual thing (good sex can cloud our judgment) or something seriously worth exploring…and risking.  I say risking because sometimes just by adding a simple title to a situation you can bring good things to an end.   People tend to fool themselves into actually believing that nothing will change…that since all we’re doing is adding a title, things will continue to coast smoothly along.  This hardly ever happens because you go from having little to no expectations (other than sexual) of one another to having high expectations.  For some people that’s a hard adjustment to make. 

So like I said, just talk it out with the person involved and be sure to let them know that there is no pressure.  Now if by chance that they don’t want to do it, then you have to decide if you should continue having a sexual relationship.  And I only say that because for one of you to even be thinking about a serious relationship means that the little year long sexual arrangement has come to an end, and someone has messed around and did the unthinkable.  They caught feelings!

God bless!

Considering a threesome    
  

I've been a subscriber to your blogs for some time now and I enjoy them thoroughly. I have a question though, I believe you covered it on a blog not too long ago but I don't quite remember what your opinion was. I was curious as to whether having a threesome with 2 girls and a guy does that make the female a lesbian? My boyfriend wants that for his birthday but I'm kind of uncomfortable with it though I want to please him even though I am far from attracted to females. Can you give me some pointers as to how to go about it? And how do you chose the right woman to join in? Any type of information would help.

Thank You,

Rebecca

Keep up with the blogs I love them!

Javon64/  

To be quite honest, doing a threesome with a person that you care about is a tall order. Especially if you don't have any interest whatsoever in other females.  As we've discussed before in my blogs, a lot of women that have done threesomes with their men, done so purely because that's what their man wanted.  They had no interest whatsoever in other females, outside of friendship.  Now what I would tell a woman such as yourself, is this.  Only do the threesome if you absolutely, completely and positively want to.  If this is something that you are being pressured into and are not completely high on the idea of sharing your man with another woman, don't do it!  If you do decide to do it, make sure that it's with a woman that neither of you have any strong ties to, i.e. a friend, coworker, or family member.  I say this because the last thing you ever want to do is ruin friendships.  Also, before the big date...make sure you and your man lay out some ground rules in advance.  This is to avoid any problems once the threesome is underway.  Problems such as him paying a little too much attention to the other woman.  Also be sure to let your man know if this is going to be a one time deal, and above all...that there will be no contacting that female once the deed is done.  Be sure that the three of you go out to lunch or have a date of some sort first, in order to get to know one another better.  And being that you don't have any interest in muff diving (lol) make that known upfront as well.  But don't sweat it, lil lady.  A threesome is a very intoxicating experience...one that usually makes a man cum really fast....especially if it's his first time.  One more thing....if you are the jealous type of woman...you might want to think twice before travelling down this road of no return.

P.S.  Remember...absolutely no friends, coworkers, or family members!

Need your Advice Please

Dear Javon,

I am in a relationship that is in serious need of help, and was wondering what your thoughts were on the situation. I have been in a Relationship for the last three years with a guy that I know has another girlfriend. Let me start from the beginning My B/F lives in the same house as his ex g/f and their three kids this way he supports his kids but does not have a relationship with their mother. She is also a good friend of mine and my babysitter. He also started seeing another woman that was married and going through a divorce. He says he stays with her only for the financial support that she provides him. I have always known about this other woman, but she has no idea that I exist. We fight on a daily basis about my kids the way I dress and any other thing he can think of that makes him mad. But I love him and one day believes that he will only be with me. The problem is that I also dream of being with my ex husband again and in a way want to work things out with him so we can be a family again. What should I do?

Javon64/

Let me first start off by saying thank you for loving yourself enough to reach out to me for advice. But I must warn you that what I have to say is not pretty or nice in the slightest, but I also feel that what I am going to say is necessary.  Just know that what I say, I say out of love and nothing but! 

Lil lady, what kind of drugs are you taking that would actually make you think that a man such as the one you described is worth the love that you waste on him?  I’ve went over your email five times and I can’t find one single good thing that you said about this guy other than the fact that you love him.  It’s obvious to me that you only love him because you don’t love yourself enough to demand that he show you respect.  For starters the man lives in the same house as his ex—that should have been a BIG warning sign to you.  Second, and I quote; He also started seeing another woman that was married and going through a divorce.  If this doesn’t sound like a case of doggy-dog behavior then I don’t know what does.  Plus throw in the fact that the two of you fight on a daily basis, about yourkids, the way that you dress or anything else that makes him mad and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that this dude is bad news.  This man has no respect whatsoever for you, and only treats you this way because you continue to let him.  But guess what? You knew all of this already, and a big part of you is starting to wake up and see the big picture here.  You didn’t say that in your email but you didn’t have to, that’s what I got from it.  It sounds to me like you’re seriously considering kicking this guy to the curb, and if for no other reason, do it for yourself, sweetheart, and your kids.  I only say the things that say—in the tone that I say them—because I believe that you are smarter than you make yourself sound in this email.  Smart people don’t get offended when someone is confronting them with what they know in their heart to be true. 

My advice:  Normally this is where I tell you to put all your cards on the table and let this guy know that he’s either going to be with you and you only, or you’re going to walk away.  But this time I’m not going to do that because I couldn’t live with myself if I told you that.  Instead I am going to tell you to live this guy alone, PERIOD! People like this (men or women) are selfish and without many morals…believe that.  Besides that I don’t believe that he could ever be faithful to you, respect you or return the love that you give him. 

As for your ex husband—I’m always in favor of two people working shit out if both can finally see where they went wrong in the past and are willing to work on things to ensure those mistake are corrected.  However, if your ex has moved on and is currently in a relationship, I would have to ask why thrust yourself into a situation that lowers your self-respect.  Now I’m not saying that is the case…just that if it is you should never allow yourself to play second fiddle in no man’s life unless it’s his mother that he puts before you.  Real talk!

God bless, sweetheart…and remember, I only say these things because I love you.

Need your Advice Please part 2

I know this is going to sound Insane ,but what more can you expect from someone that calls them self Insane_mom_5? I have debated over if I should write this or not , but after reading everyone's response to this message sent to Javon I thought I would come clean . Yes, I am the one that wrote this asking for help. This is a true situation that I know deep in my heart that I should get out of however I am scared to leave . Not scared because I think any harm will come to me ,but scared because I don't think I deserve any better. I am a single mother of 5 beautiful kids that are living a life of hell because I don't have the guts to stand up for myself and my kids . I have never had any better than this and am scared that I never will because deep down inside I don't think I deserve it . As my mother said to me when I got divorced "Do you actually think anyone will ever want you when you have kids with another man ?" My answer at the time was yes ,but now I wonder if she was right ? the only kind of guys I seem to attract are losers . The only true love I have had was when I was married and their were still a lot of issues that we had that ended up causing a divorce. Thank you for all the good advice and I am taking everybody up on it and leaving this guy . I don't know how I will do it yet but it will be done soon before I cause anymore damage to myself and my kids.  Love ya guys all

Javon64/

As my mother said to me when I got divorced "Do you actually think anyone will ever want you when you have kids with another man ?"

I finally see where a lot of this is coming from.  I may not know the full extent of you and your mom's relationship, but I know enough from this statement alone to know that that's not something a mother should say to her own.  Yours could be a great story to tell one day when you learn the importance of standing in the Lord.  When you know that you have God in your corner nothing is impossible.  Sweetie, the only reason you keep running into losers is because that's all you feel that you can have.  To find better you have to first think better of yourself.  I know this may sound cliche` but we are what we think.  Let me tell you something, the world is ful of too many lonely men to not have more than a handful for you.  And look at it this way...when you do finally get yourself together and realize that you desearve better, the man that God blesses you with will be one happy camper.  Why?  Because you will be able to love and appreciate him in a way that no other woman that has endured less could.  But that time is neither hear nor there at the moment.  First you have to get this self-pity attitude out of your mind and learn that you do not need a man to make you complete.  You have God, your children, and yourself.  Personally I don't think you need another man in your life at the moment because you have a lot of work to do on you.  That being said, you need to start using your kids to fill that void where you think you need a man so much.  Start spending all of that free time that you have with you kids.  By doing so you wont have no need for no fucked up men...plus you'll learn to be an even stronger person.  And above all remember this; nothing that you are going through at the present moment has anything to do with you.  God allows each of us to go through seemingly impossible task so that one day we may be able to share our story of victory with someone else.  If you keep that in mind you will realize that this is only temporary, sweetheart...if you believe you will find Prince Charming, then sure as my blackass is Javon64, he will arrive one day on his white horse.

But first you must believe!


Rebound Love

I was hoping maybe you could give me some advice on my situation. I don't usually get advice from people but I need some type of help and I can't ask my friends since their opinions are biased. So here it goes:

I've been talking to this man for about 6 months now. Up until about 2 months ago I never knew the full reason as to why we couldn't be together since we both have strong feelings for each other. I found out that he and his ex just broke up back in February and they have been going back and forth as to whether they want to get back together or not. He says he is done after today since she is putting no effort into making it work. He says I'm his best friend and he comes to me with everything good and bad. There are no secrets anymore between us. We have a very open and honest friendship but I've always wanted more. He has told me that I'm wifey and he can picture himself falling in love with me. He has thought about us being together and moving in together and making a serious relationship out of this thing that we have. I'm curious though; from your opinion do you think that I am just a rebound? Does it look like I am just filling a void that he needs filled for now? We ate together almost 24/7 unless either of us are at work. We can have funny conversations and deep conversations. We can act like little kids around each other letting us see each others flaws and we can support each other mentally and emotionally. But I'm unsure if what he is feeling for me is real or just something to take up time and get his mind off of his ex for the time being. What do you think about it? If you have any questions that you need answered to make the situation clearer to give advice I am very open just ask cause I want the best advice you can give.

Yes we do have sex. We have sex just about once a week. He says he hasn't had sex with anyone else in the past month or so since he's with me all the time and he doesn't want to have sex all the time because he wants to prove he doesn't come over just for that. And, he doesn't want it to get boring and routine.

Thank you again,

Javon64/

Let me first say that you were absolutely correct in not going to your friends about your relationship woes.  Friends don't mean any harm but they usually wind up doing more harm than good because it's hard for them not to have a biased opinion.  You are also correct in having some form of concern when dealing with someone that hasn't fully gotten over their ex.  One of the biggest mistakes that people make when dealing with relationships is getting back in one too soon after getting out of one (if that makes any sense lol)  I personally think that anyone that has recently gotten out of a relationship needs to step back and take some much needed me time.  Now that doesn't mean that they shouldn't date…it just means that in all fairness they need to be upfront with whomever they are dating and tell them the truth; that they have just recently gotten out of a relationship and are not trying to jump right in another one for a while.  But you see, what happens more times than not is that both men and women are so afraid that by telling someone that they aren't looking for a commitment that they will run that person away.  This is especially true with men…being that when it comes to breaking up we have a tendency to jump right back into the dating scene a little quicker than women—regardless if we are still emotionally attached or not.  As was the case with your friend.  From what I read, he is clearly not over his ex yet, and he has to understand that going back and forth with her is not the way to get over her.  My honest opinion is that you should pump the breaks a little bit before you do something as sudden and spontaneous as moving in together.  While moving in together may be a serious outward show of commitment to you on his behalf…it still doesn't show you what is deep within his heart.  You should always keep in mind that just a couple of months ago him and his ex were considering patching things back up, which would have left you out in the cold. And the worse thing about that was—you didn't even know what was going on. You feel me?  Sweetie, you always have to look out for number one in the beginning of a relationship.  In no way am I telling you to leave this guy alone, because from how you described him, he doesn't seem like a bad guy.  Maybe he's a little too secretive with things that are of extreme importance to you…but not a terrible guy by no means.   You also need to keep in mind that there's a very good possibility that while the two of you were dating, he was still sleeping with his ex.  I say that because there aren't too many men that are going to keep going back and forth to their ex (someone that they slept with on the regular) and not hit the booty some more.  That just goes with the territory of love…and if he was that close to going back then you know sex was involved.  But I'm sure you thought about this already, you seem like a bright girl from what I read.

My advice:  Don't move in with this guy just yet.  Instead just play it safe for now and be very vigilant and mindful that he most definitely have some form of emotional attachment to his ex.  Believe me, sweetheart…it's there.  But here's the thing, people in general love to lie to ourselves when it comes to matters of the heart. We will swear on a stack of bibles that we are over our ex…and no soon as we bump into them in the streets all of those butterflies come flying back.  Also you should ask him just out of curiosity what would he have told you had he decided to get back with his ex a few months ago.  And then ask him out of curiosity why he didn't just tell you what was going on between him and her so you could prepare yourself either way.  These are question pertaining to his whole character as a human being…and I'm sorry but if he felt it necessary to withhold this kind of thing from you then who's to say it can't happen again?  Let's just face it…EVERYBODY lies!  Whether they do it to keep from hurting someone's feelings or they do it for selfish reasons…EVERYBODY omits portions of the truth!  Not telling someone something that could possibly alter the relationship is the same as a lie! But the question you need to be asking yourself is what if he still has feelings for this woman and one day decides to give it another try?  Is that fair to you? 

Remember…I didn't say that you should leave him alone.  I just think you would be best off not going into a relationship until him and his ex have been apart a little longer that this.  And by being apart I mean no contact whatsoever.  Now if kids are involved that's a different story.

God bless!

Rebound Love part 2

Email:

You're right I do need to fall back a bit. Maybe a lot, I just don't know how to quite yet. I've gotten used to him sleeping next to me every night and when he's not there it just doesn't feel right. Should I gradually have him over less and less to get rid of that comfortableness cause I'm not going to lie, trying to just stop all of a sudden one day and not have him over at all will not work. I have to admit I'm not that strong quite yet when it comes to being apart from him.

Also, ever since I met him back in December I have not been with any other man knowing that he has slept with other women since he has been single. It just doesn't feel or seem right. I've been on dates and had fun with other guys but half the time I'm thinking I wished it was him I was out with. It was him who was trying to hold my hand or hug me and put his arm around me while we're walking. When I care about someone the way I care about him I just can't imagine someone getting that close to me. I don't want anyone else in my arms but him. How do I get over that? I truly don't want to have sex with another man or kiss another man. Yeah, I can look at guys and say they're cute but the thought doesn't go any further than that. When my ex cheated on me a bunch of times and I found out I was so mad I cheated on him to get him back and make him mad but it just made me feel worse in the end. I'm not the type to cheat or talk to a million guys at once (anymore at least since meeting him I cut everyone off). How do I get over that? How do I branch out and stop putting him first (when it comes to guys at least) when I'm not number one for him? He says I am number one, but for real that's only when it comes to him talking to other girls. I'm not number in his heart. How do I make him not number one in mine, when it just doesn't feel right to get close with anyone else?

Javon64/

Sweetheart, my dear, is what I call dickmatized! That and you have a phobia of being alone.  The secret to breaking free of any dick-trance isn't about running out for a replacement dick—it's giving dick a break, period.  I'm not going to get down on you because frankly, I understand.  But just because I understand doesn't mean I'm not going to advise you to get as far away from that relationship as possible, before it self-destructs and leaves you badly damaged. Sweetie, in the state that you're in if I tell you to slowly branch off, the chances of you pulling away for good would be slim to none.  Drug addicts don't kick the habit by branching off…they are forced to cut drugs loose, period. COLD TURKEY!  In extreme cases such as yours you have to be just as honest with yourself as you are with me.  You just gave me every reason in the world why you should leave this guy alone, but if you can't honestly look at each one of those reasons and see that an emergency evacuation is in order, then nothing I can say now will mean a hill of beans.  I truly hate that; too, because you sound like a sincere woman that's willing to do just about anything for this guy, and he doesn't appreciate it. Although I'm probably wasting my energy with this, I'm going to tell you what to do anyway.

My advice: I think going cold turkey is the best way to handle your situation.  If anything that will show him that he doesn't have as much control over you as he thinks. I can't even hate on homeboy for what he's doing, because it's not like you're not aware.  What has happen is you've somehow become so dependent on this man that you've fucked around and given him more love than you have leftover for yourself.  Think about it…you're so caught up into this man that you don't love yourself enough to walk away.  In this day and time not loving oneself is like playing with a loaded gun because so much is out here.  If you're not first in his heart then you can bets believe you're not first in his bedroom, either.  But the BIGGEST problem is that you're not angry enough about the whole situation, if you ask me.  The picture that you're painting portrays you as the victim, when in reality you should be the ANGRY BITCH! (No disrespect). If you can't even get angry enough to see that you deserve better, then deep down a part of you don't really see anything wrong with this picture.  In fact, a part of you might even think that in some weird way you're the reason he's not acting right, when that couldn't be farther from the truth. The reality of it all is that this man can't give you all of his heart when he, himself doesn't have it.  That missing part of him that you want so badly is with his ex, and until he truly gets over her you will never be first.  What the both of you need to do is spend a little time with the two people that matter the most—YOURSELVES!  If he truly doesn't want to be with his ex anymore, he should stop seeing her, period.  As for you (my main concern)…you should take some serious time out from men altogether.  I know that sounds drastic but it's not healthy for a woman (or man) to be that dependent on anyone except God. Lol…I'm the last person to get religious on you, but even my blackass can't sit here without telling you the truth of the matter.

P.S.  The sooner you quit telling yourself that you can't leave this man alone the sooner you will be free.  Just remember…if you really want to be free, then you will be!   

Why won't my man touch me?(New)

hello how are u?

my name is shara...and i need an answer to my question.

Me n my man....been together for a month. N we never ever spoke about sex, nor touch each other in a sexual way...he never tried me either. i think its odd. N sumtimes fustrating. My question is...when i guy acts this way what does it mean....is he on the downlow*lol*? does he just respect me? Is he ashamed of his dick size? or he is scared?

Javon64

First let me say that I feel your pain. I was just telling everyone about this woman from my past that made me wait over a month for the sex. The difference being that at least we were sleeping beside one another each night...half naked. 

As for your new friend--although his behavior is kinda odd (especially after what I saw in your photo album),I wouldn't go as far as calling him a downlow brother just yet. Contrary to popular belief, there are a few men left in the world that possess the ancient art of self-control. If by chance that your man is one of those rare breeds, then by all means please get me his autograph, fast, because if he was in my group of friends we would be clowning his ass.  For a guy to be acting the way that he's acting is so out of the ordinary that it could suggest that a sexual disease in in the nix and he isn't sure about how to tell you. i know that's drastic, but its a very strong possibility considering the shit that's out here today. I don't know too many men that by now wouldn't have tried to at list touch you in some sexual way.  While I can totally understand him maybe waiting to wait--I just don't get the stand-offish attitude.  Therefore you're right to think something is fishy. Oh yeah, you can toss out the small dick possibity, because even guys with 2-inch dicks would've turned the lights out by now and wasted your time. 

And as for the whole respecting you thing--sweetie if he respects you any longer the tow of you will stop being boyfriend and girlfriend and become sister and brother. 

Now harping back on the downlow accusation--I'ma tell you like this.  While it may be true that you can't always look at someone and tell if they are gay or not--you can in a lot of cases.  Now some downlow brothers are slick with they're shit, I know--but if you really want to know just open your eyes.  For you to even throw in that downlow accusation suggests that you already have your suspicions, rather due to his behavior or other dead givaways. 

Bottom line, if you wanna know once and for all, the next time the two of you are together, you initiate the touching and watch how he responds.  In otherwards you be the aggressor!  

  
My man can't reach an orgasm by masturbating!

You are OFF the HOOK Javon,

I have a QUESTION or WONDER consideirng Ima a FEMALE and NOT able to RELATE to my GUY and his STUBBORN mindstate...
Do you BUST when you get HEAD or when Jacked off? Do you prefer not to BUST from ORAL sex, prior to the PUSSY penetration?
Reason I am asking is because my guy has NEVER in LIFE busted from GETTING head. "NEVER". Same thing with jacking off either himself or by someone else.

Now the Never busting from getting HEAD, I can somewhat understand. Some Men cant get it together or need a breathing period after they CUM the 1st time. All energy is LOST. Therefore, the COMPROMISE IS he'd rather bust from THE TIGHTNESS of some pussy instead!
Ok makes SENSE. BUT Why can't you BUST from SELF gratification? He has TRIED, when alone and WITH me to BUST from JACKING off and the SAME ole "NOTHING" applies. I've done it for hIM and LITERALLY my arm was about to fall OFF.
We was both on our TOES for ANTICIPATION. Why this was a mission in our BEDROOM I have no DAMM idea! Just one of thoese weird TASKs BF/GF do I guess.
I'm like OH HELL naw, you the only man I know that doesnt BUST from Jacking OFF. Thats a stale A$$MIND state. So I asked him. "WTF you do during hard times, or IN BETWEEN PUSSY's when you aint getting it."

He said, NOTHING. He's tried, He can FEEL it coming and it JUST never BURST!

Now Would you agree that his MIND STATE is just a lil OFF!

Javon64/

 I think that your man's mind state has a lot to do with it.  Take me for instance.  For the longest time I couldn't orgasm from coventional means of masturbation...i.e. greasy palms on my dick. I would always have to jack off on pillows laying over a stack of balled up blankets. My reason for this had more to do with my imagination than anything else. By my grown, rusty ass humping pillows it just felt better. I could get more into the groove of things because I could envision a woman a whole lot easier than by just jacking off with my hand. You see masturbation is all about the imagination and how deep you can take your mind into the action. It's one thing to get yourself aroused by thinking dirty thoughts, but it's another thing let go and let those dirty thought take you to ecstasy.  Believe it or not just a few short years ago I finally started maturbating with my hand to the point that I can cum on Q.   Don't get me wrong, I still prefer the pillow humping action, hands down.  Tell your man that I said take it from me and go in a nice, quiet room and turn on some porn and hump some pillows. He'll need the following:

1.1 or 2 fluffy pillows for leverage

2.Blankets to lay them over

3.An old t-shirt or cloth to lay over the pillow to keep from fucking up a clean pillow case

4.Videos or Magazines of his choice--or just memory

5.Privacy--unless he's like me and don't mind being watched.

I can simpathize with your man because back when I didn't masturbate the normal way, I would have women begging me to jack off and cum on them and I couldn't deliver. It's totally a mind thing, trust me.

As for the head thing--I can feel him on that as well. I thought it was just me that preferred pussy stimulation over mouth stimulation.  Again, it's all a mind thing.  If your man is like me, it's not that he can't orgasm from head...he's just trained himself not to for so long that it's damn near impossible. Call me crazy but I feel cheated is I cum while getting my knob polished--like WTF! I've never allowed myself to cum from receiving head...EVER! The closest I've came is just before cumming I'd pull out of the woman's pussy and cum in her mouth, but that's it!  And believe me, I've had every head doctor in the gain, except SUPAHEAD, work on my shit and I've proved without a doubt that the mind is truly stronger than the throat.

So if you ask me, your man is as normal as they cum...even if he can't.  He just needs to explore other methods of masturbation because working the palms obvisously is a waste of time.

PLEASE HELP ME JAVON!

HEY JAVON WHAT’S UP. I NOTICED THAT U HAVE A HELP COLUMN WHERE U ACTUALLY LISTEN N GIVE ADVICE...SO I THOUGHT WHY NOT ME...THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS IM HOPING IT COULD BE JUST THE TWO OF US I DON’T LIKE PEOPLE IN MY BUSINESS...IF U WEREN’T MARRIED I WOULD HAVE PREFERRED IT OVER THE PHONE SO SINCE ITS KIND OF AN EMERGENCY I TRUST THAT U WILL GIVE THE BEST ADVICE U KNOW HOW BECAUSE I HAVE NO BROTHERS AND NO MALE FRIENDS TO SEEK GUIDANCE N ADVICE FROM. SO HERE IT GOES...
LET ME START FROM BEGINNING ...
ME N MY BOYFRIEND BEEN TOGETHER FOR 4 YEARS NOW GOING ON 5....WHEN WE WERE DATING AFTER A FEW WEEKS (I BELIEVE) HE TOLD ME HE WAS GOING TO JAIL...IT DIDN’T BOTHER ME BECAUSE I GUESS IT DIDN’T REALLY SINK IN THAT HE WOULD BE IN JAIL FOR 3 YEARS.....BUT OF COURSE I DECIDED TO WAIT FOR HIM BECAUSE I WAS HAPPY HE MADE ME HAPPY N THAT WAS A FIRST FOR ME ...I WASN’T USE TO THAT KIND OF TREATMENT AT ALL....OK SO HE LEFT N I STUCK BY HIS SIDE IN JAIL. WRITING HIM. SENDING MONEY ,PHONE BILLS WAS AS HIGH AS 600 A MONTH....I WAS REALLY STRUGGLING TO MAKE ENDS MEET I EVEN LOST MY CAR BECAUSE I WASN’T MAKING PAYMENTS ON TIME CAUSE I WAS TRYING TO PAY THE PHONE BILL ON TIME JUST SO I COULD KEEP IN TOUCH WITH HIM ...BASICALLY I GAVE MY ALL N SACRIFICED A LOT.....
OK SO HE COMES HOME IM THINKING EVERYTHING IS GOING BACK TO THE WAY IT WAS BUT NO SIR...HE’S A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON AS OPPOSE TO THE PERSON I KNEW IN JAIL OR THE PERSON I KNEW BEFORE JAIL....THE DAVE I FELL IN LOVE WITH WAS CARING ,AFFECTIONATE, THOUGHTFUL ...NOW HE’S DISTANT EMOTIONLESS N JUST NOT THE SAME PERSON AT ALL....WE DID TALK ABOUT IT HE SAID THAT IM GOING TO HAVE TO GIVE HIM TIME TO ADJUST TO SOCIETY BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS NEW N STRANGE TO HIM...IM TRYING BUT ITS BEEN 3 MONTH NOW N STILL NOTHING...HE PROMISED ME SO MANY THINGS WHILE HE WAS IN JAIL N NOTHING HE SAID CAME TRUE....LIKE MARRIAGE ...NOW HE SAID HE’S NOT READY TO GET MARRIED WHEN HE TOLD ME HE COULDN’T WAIT TO MARRY ME WHEN HE WAS LOCK UP....HE TOLD ME BOLDLY THAT THE REASON HE SAID THAT HE WOULD MARY ME WAS BECAUSE HE KNEW THAT’S WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR IN ORDER FOR ME TO KEEP COMING TO SEE HIM ....I WAS DUMFOUNDED WHEN HE SAID THAT SO THAT MEAN BASICALLY I GUESS U CAN SAY THE WHOLE 3 YEARS WAS A LIE ,A WASTE OF TIME ?.....HE SAID THAT I CAN FORGET ABOUT THE PERSON HE WAS CAUSE ITS NOT HIM ....SO MY DRAMA OR DILEMMA IS I CANT LET HIM GO BECAUSE THAT WOULD MEAN I WASTED 3 YEARS OF MY LIFE RIGHT ?....I DO LOVE HIM BUT HE’S SO EMOTIONLESS UGHHH!!!!!HE DOESN’T WANT TO TALK OR SPEND QUALITY TIME TOGETHER AS OFTEN AS I WOULD LIKE HIM TOO...SO SHOULD I HANG IN THERE TILL HE COME AROUND? PLUS TO BE HONEST HE PAYS ALL MY BILLS I DON’T WANT TO LOSE THAT CAUSE IM IN SCHOOL N I DON’T HAVE A JOB....WHAT DO U THINK IS GOING ON WITH HIM AS A MAN ?PLEASE BE HONEST ?...I WAS THINKING THAT MAYBE HE WANTED TO SEE OTHER PEOPLE BUT I ASKED HIM N HE SAID NO ....MY BOYFRIEND IS A LOG!!!!SCRATCH THAT CAUSE A LOG HAS MORE EMOTIONS THAN HIM AT LEAST THEY BREAK...LOL...LAST THING IS HE CALLED HIS EX WHEN HE GOT BACK FROM JAIL TO TALK TO HER N WHEN I ASK HIM WHY HE SAID HE NEEDED CLOSER....HELP !!!!!
MEEE.......!!!!!!!!
EVEN PEOPLE THAT DON’T NO US OR OUR STORY N HANGS AROUND US NOTICE THAT IM MORE INTO HIM THAN HE’S INTO ME ...MY SISTER TOLD ME TO IGNORE HIM N PLAY HARD TO GET OR NOT COME OVER WHEN HE ASK ME TOO OR PLAY NOT AVAILABLE ...BUT I DON’T WANT TO PLAY GAMES ...I JUST WANT MY OLD DAVE BACK!!!!!

Javon

Hello, lil lady. Before I start let me first congratulate you on having the courage to step out and ask for help.  There are so many women in situations like yours that feel that by ignoring the obvious signs of mistreatment from their significant other that the problems with just magically disappear.  Sadly, that couldn’t be the furthest thing from the truth. All right now for your medicine.

Sweetheart, your situation is screening to me that you have been caught up in what I call the representative faze of a relationship.  Every relationship goes through this faze. When women and men start dating, in the beginning they both are putting forth the best effort (or act) that they can to appear perfect in the other person’s eyes.  This faze normally last about one or two months before the real them starts to slowly seep out.  The problem with your relationship is that you never got the chance to see the real Dave, because he went to jail just two weeks after the two of you met.  This created a HUGH problem for you because once a man goes to jail everything he says over the phone is like Casanova himself wrote it.  So in a sense you were dealing with Dave’s representative for over three years and now the real Dave is slowly reveal himself to you.  Honestly, and though painful, you need to erase everything he told you those three years while being locked up, because chances are he really didn’t mean any of it.  Sweetie, he only knew you for two weeks before going in, do you really think that was long enough for a man that’s that cold to form real feelings for you.  I believe that he read what kinda woman you were when he met you and figured you were a prime candidate to put money on his books.  I’m willing to bet he was also getting mail and phone calls from his ex as well.  At this point these are things that you must assume because he’s really left you no other choices.  I mean, the man had the balls to tell you that he lied to you because he know that’s what you needed to hear to remain in his corner.  If that ain’t some fucked up shit then I don’t know what was.  At that point you should have been mad as fuck.  So what if he’s paying the fucking bills—you paid them while his ass was locked up.  You are acting like you owe him something when it should be the other way around. 

I also take from your letter that the two of you do not live together—if that’s the case he’s probably fucking his ex or someone else on the side.  For him to be so cold hearted you can best believe that he would have no hard feelings about giving the hard dick to someone else.  But he’d never tell you because just like when he was in jail, he knows what you need to hear.  However, the physical don’t lie.  What I mean is that his mouth can rattle off all kinds of shit that are soothing to your ears…but if he can’t back any of that shit up physically then it’s a fucking lie.  Him paying all your bills while you go to school is an old drug dealer’s game of control and power.  I know it all too well.  He keeps you looking fly, throws you dick whenever he feels like it, run game on your ears now and then, and you’re not suppose to ask no question or want for more.  That’s the rules of this game.  I wrote an article in my August newsletter called The Three Golden Rules of Seduction, that would have you breaking his ass down in no time—if it’s not too late.

In conclusion: Your sister is absolutely right about how to deal with this guy.  I know you don’t want to play games but that’s what this is…A GAME! When dealing with men like Dave it’s either play to win or hand over your cards and fold.  From here on out you need to look at your relationship with him as if you’ve only been together for three years.  Now ask yourself if he was anybody else that showed these type of signs within that first three months of dating, HOW WOULD YOU HAVE DEALT WITH THEM?  You probably would have let the door hit them in the ass as they left your life for good (at least I hope).   

P.S. Please don’t use the excuse that he pays all the bills, therefore you really don’t wanna let that go.  Because if that’s the case then money is your ruler and you deserve everything he does to you, which is not the case.

Should I Tell Him?

Let me start over Javon. I was about 16 when I met this guy, let's call him Terry. I was @ the store and he caught my eye. Evidently, I caught his too. I was in that neck of the woods cause I was goin go meet this guy that I had never seen b4. So he gave me his number and I said that I would call him. I must have known that things weren’t gonna work out between me and the unseen b4 guy. The guy I was supposed to be with ended up bein with my girl. He said that I was too thick. All in all some how her mom never came and picked us up so I spent my christmas in a room with his friend. Okay the next morning came and I went to the guy Tobby house to go get the gift that I had bought him, bitch please I am not gonna let him keep the gift if we not together I know that was mean but damn I had nothing to wear and he couldnt even give us a ride home. I wore that fit proud. haha. So I thought awhile about who I could call to take us home. I stay in Stuart and my girls stay in Indiantown, what person would go out of their way for that mission. I looked in my purse and I saw that I still had his number, I called. Wow he actually picked up. He told me that he wanted to get @ me @ the store, but I was there to see someone else. I proceeded to tell him that things didn’t work out and that I was standing outside lookin for a ride home. He asked me how old I was I so I lied and said that I was 17 about to be 18 in July, I was off by a year. :(
He was still okay with that he was 19 @ the time. So there was no issue. He said that he would take us home, and he asked where Indiantown was. I said right around the corner from Stuart which is a lie its about 45 min drive. We got in the car and I knew that if he dropped me off first that he was not gonna take them all the way home/ I know I wouldn’t. :) I stayed in the car and we talked the whole way he didn’t seem too mad about how far it was either. They got dropped off and then he took me home and asked me to call him. I called after I was done being grounded. After I was finally free of a 2-week grounding, I called him and we spent time together, we were so close, you know what I mean we got down. :))))))) We stayed close like friends with benefits for about 3 years. He started to distance himself more and more I knew that he had a girlfriend, as did I so I told him that we could no longer do this cause I was startin to have mixed feelings, so we ended. Don’t get me wrong we were still friends just without the benefits. He called me during holidays and came to see me just to inquire how me and my fam was doing. I also did the same. Well time went by and I met this guy my baby daddy, somehow I couldn’t help but think about what Terry was up to. So I snuck and called him. I told my boyfriend that I called to check on him, I was 18 @ that time and I learned that lying was not for me. He got so mad but was happy that I was so honest. I asked Terry to come by and see me so we can hang out. Well that was a bad idea cause we knew that we still felt tha same way about each other. So I asked him to take me back to my boyfriend house he did and I didn’t see him for a while. I got pregnant by my boyfriend bad choice cause Terry always said that he wanted me to bear his first child. Keep that in mind!!!
So I call and tell him and he seemed kinda upset. I knew that I had hurt him and I still care about him. So after I have my baby, yes my baby cause her dad is shit. I call him cause it another holiday already so he comes by my job, and then he leaves, I’m like damn what did I do. He says it looked like I was busy. We lose contact cause he works so hard. This year I called him weekly to ask if he is home but I cant reach him, so one day I try again so HE ANSWERS :)))))!!!! I’m so happy to hear from him. I asked can I see him, and we go to target to shop for my daughter. Then to the movies where she shows her natural born ass! We leave after about 30 min. Therefore, we go our ways. Recently I called him and we went out again for some reason we were about so tense I didn’t want to be with him like old days and he knew that I grew up and that I was on a whole nother level. So he took me back home. I called him for the past few nights but he’s been too sleepy to talk. So I called him this morning and I told him that I have to tell him something important, he say what, that you are pregnant with my child? I was like wooh in my mind. He said that he was @ work and would holla back @ me later. Okay Javon you have the story now, What should I do about this I love him come on now we been though allot, 5 whole years, I want to tell him but I don’t want him to walk away? After he said that about having his child, does he still have the same feelings for me that I have for him? Should I tell him or wait? Would me tellin him how I feel scare him? I’m so confused as to what to do, I love him so much and I really don’t want to lose him this time.

Thanks for takin time out to hear me. Javon
Sincerly Sweetlove...

Javon64

Dear Sweetlove,

     I’ve just finished reading your email and let me say that you are very fortunate to be able to say that you know without a shadow of a doubt that you love this man.   That being said, love is not the kind of emotion that should be bottled up and stashed away just because you’re afraid someone else might not feel the same way.  Sweetlove, you’re doing yourself a BIG injustice by not being honest about your feelings for this man.  What’s the big deal, the two of you have known one another for over 5 years—I could understand if he was some guy that you had only been dating for a few months.  It’s not like you telling him this is going to destroy what has endured for these five years.  Personally, and only from what you’ve told me, I think it’s safe to say that he feels the same way for you.  In the past I’ve used that same line that he used when you called him and he said, “What, you pregnant with my baby,” and I only used it with women that I had strong feelings for.  Understand that in this day and age there aren’t too many men out there that’s going to even speak the word baby to a woman that he doesn’t have strong feelings for.  Men just don’t joke like that….especially with someone they just consider as a jump-off (lol).  And if y’all have been kicking it this long you definitely are not a jump-off!   

     As for the part about you being confused—I just think you’re CHICKEN! (LOL)  Look at it this way, you telling him your true feelings can’t and won’t scare a man that openly jokes about you having his child. IMPOSSIBLE!   

So here’s what I want you to do. If you don’t feel that you can talk to him face to face (this would be the best way) then write him a letter.  I’d prefer that you talked to him in person because the eyes don’t lie, and you would know without a doubt how he feels.  However, being that you sound like you have a yellow streak down your back (lol) you can write him a letter.  You see by writing a letter people tend to be more open with their feelings than they would be if they were face to face.

Either way the only way you can lose in this is if you choose to remain silent!

Fed Up!  (New) 

Hey Javon,

     I’m new to this myspace thing and I was browsing and ran across I guess u call it a blog, right? Ok well I have a dilemma that u needs 2 hear. Well a few months ago I met this guy on a chat line, and we talked 4 about a couple of weeks on the phone. The convo was kool, he was kool, a gentleman, not 2 pushy, so that’s what led me 2 let my guard down a little, so we decided 2 finally meet and when we did I’m not gonna lie, he was very attractive. At first I wasn’t pressed about his looks cuz a person can look good and have a messed up attitude or messed up personality.  Well we started spending allot of time together, though just friends, which was kool, he didn’t push up on me sexually or anything, that’s what made me start 2 find him attractive I guess.  Well we had sex and I was a little surprised with the package, and I hadn’t had any in a while, so u know as soon after that I started finding out all kinda shit.  For one he has a parole officer, a curfew, and he lost his supposedly job, and loses his place to say.  Then he moves in with me and that is when all hell breaks loose.  Soon as we start arguing about him not cleaning up or leaving a mess after he cooks something he didn’t wanna do no household duties—he leaves his nasty azz boxers on the bathroom floor!illlllllll Mind u I have a 8 yr old son, now I know you’re like what’s wrong with her, right? Man I don’t!  Now fast forward to us arguing one day and he gets real disrespectful, calling me names.  Well I went off, threw shit at him, yelled, screamed, and all that…even called the boyz on him (lol) and I still let him stay at my house cuz i felt bad 4 him.  Well he took that shit and ran with it cuz after that it was a living hell 4 me and my son.  He became a lump on a log and we would argue about him being on my computer all night and all day. All we saw was the back of his head and cigarette smoke lol.  And as soon as I began telling him that this wasn’t gonna work and I couldn’t take anymore, his parole officer told him he had 2 move back 2 his original Boro, because he was 2 far from him.  Next he says he’s gonna go and rent a ROOM.  I was like…A ROOM, WITH WHAT MONEY????? HE HAS NO JOB ok!  And 2 be honest I think it should be a halfway house or some kinda juvenile home.  Well he left but he still comes over on the weekends or during the week, why I don’t know…probably just 2 wash up or eat and use the phone or the damn computer.  However when he’s not here he doesn’t call or nothing, so I’m like why the hell u keep coming back, just take your stuff and go!  But nah…he don’t want to cuz wherever he living its probably nasty (lol).  Now after all the sacrificing, biting my tongue, feeding him, and trying 2 help him get on his feet, when I told him 2 take his things with him, he had the nerve to disrespect me hard this time.  Would u believe that he was cursing at me in front of my son, saying all kinda shit!  This time I called the boyz again, 2 escort his azz out before I hurt this guy.  Even the cop was like your 2 rude! Now I know I was stupid, desperate, retarded, and dumb, but I cant help but 2 feel used and a little confused.  I know he’s gone but I cant help but 2 feel something and I dare not even embarrass myself and tell u the other shit he did 2 me.  That’s another reason why I should be happy he’s gone.  Well he still has a bag here, which I know he will come for soon, and I hope he’s not 2 disrespectful.  Anyway what do about these feelings I’m having? Please help! Real talk.

Javon64

Hello sweetheart,

     Good to see that you are finally cleaning out your closet and getting rid of all the trash.  No woman deserves the type of treatment that you were going through, however you really can’t blame anyone but yourself.  As soon as that guy started showing you little by little what type of baggage he had with him that was your sign to let his ass keep on pushing. Now I’m not saying that a brother with his type of baggage don’t deserve a chance…but why did he wait until he felt that feelings were developing before he started coming clean. I’ll tell you why—because he he didn’t want to take the risk of telling you all of this in the beginning and losing a free ride.  He may be stupid but he’s not that stupid.  I bet you anything that he put all he could into that first sexual encounter the two of you had, because lets just be real…good dick has made women put up with a lot worse (lol).  But for real, from how you describe this dude, he’s far from a role model for child, however I’m sure you figured that out by now.  I’m not going to lecture you on how you should have never let him move in after only knowing him a short time because frankly, I know you know that already.  There isn’t any use crying over some past shit that can’t be changed. What’s done is done—time to move on and get on with your life. 

However what I do suggest is that rather than him coming to your place to get his belongings, you tell him that you want to meet some place where you can give them to him. Either that or make sure that a man is at your place with you the day that he comes to get his shit.  I’m sensing that homeboy is a loose cannon and men like him can’t be trusted not to raise a hand to a woman…that is if he hasn’t already.  As for you feeling something for him—sweetheart its not him that you’re feeling for…it’s the fact that he’s a man and you feel as though you need a man in your life.  I’m sure in the beginning it probably felt good having a man around the house all the time…a possible man that your child could look up to.  I understand totally, however that are REAL men out there that would be more than happy to step in and play that role that you’re looking for—unfortunately he’s not the man for the job.

Also, the next time you decide to hook up with a guy off the internet you might want to run his name to the police data base online for free.  If a person has ever been convicted of anything they will have them on file as well as the crime they committed.  Being that you have a small child this should be your main concern, considering all the nut cases there are in the world now days.  

In conclusion: I won’t sit here and lie to you and tell you that all of those feelings accumulated for this dickhead are going to magically disappear, because they’re not.  It will take some commitment and hard work on your part, but I’m sure you’re up to it.  For starters you need to cut all contact with this clown before he works his way back into your good grace.  If he doesn’t take no for an answer you should get a restraining order against, which he can’t afford to have happen because of his parole.  After that, find a good book to read or something (like mine lol) to keep your mind off men for a minute.  After a dealing with a bum like that you don’t need to be dating for a little while.  You really don’t need to be shaking up with nobody!!!! Wouldn’t you agree????

God bless you, luv! 

Am I being used? (New)

I have this situation where I am talkin to this dude...you know we went to high school together and he hit me up myspace...so we started talkin...so we ended up kickin it or what not and I have grown to really care for him.

However he has no job, no car and no money....so already I have dished out $125 and I have not received a penny back. why u say, because I am a really nice person and I try to help people out when I can....but when it comes to someone helpin me out it always is a problem. I can never get my money back when I really need it the most. this guy is always calling me asking me to come over but then when I do we may get sexual or intimate or whatever but then after is all over and done with he wants me to drop him off way across town at his baby mom house so he can babysit his daughter while she goes to work. I don't have a problem taking him every now and then...keyword EVERY NOW AND THEN but he makes it a habit to call me everyday and he never gives me gas money...or even asks me at that..he just be like you ready and hops in the car with me. and automatically assume I am going to take him where he needs to go.

SO WHAT SHOULD I DO JAVON, I AM FEELIN USED...THIS GUY TELLS ME HE IS IN LOVE WITH ME BUT I THINK HE IS IN LOVE WITH WHAT I CAN DO FOR HIM...

Javon64/

Hello sweetheart,

     You are right to be concerned that this guy might be taking advantage of you.  I see this happening every day to both females and men alike and there is really only one sure way to know for sure. ASK HIM!  Of course he would never be foolish enough to admit something so deceitful, however what such a bold question will do is immediately classify you in a different category of woman, and show him that you are now as naive as he may have pegged you to be.  Now when asking such a bold and direct question you must’ve sound like you are accusing him of anything, just in case you are wrong about him.  A good way to ask is by using the third person scenario that psychologists like to use on patients.  When talking to him just invent a story about one of your past boyfriends trying to use you, however, make sure to use similar scenarios as the shit that he’s doing to you.  At the conclusion of your story be sure to add that that boyfriend felt real stupid when he saw that you were far from stupid because you left his ass high and dry.  Trust me he will get the hint loud and clear.  Besides that, by talking about an ex it will give you a chance to let him know what you expect from a boyfriend.  Feel me?

As for the part about him not having a job, car, or money, that’s a difficult situation—especially if he isn’t trying to acquire these life necessities on his own.  I can’t defend no man that sits at home on his ass doing nothing all day, yet expects his woman to pay his way through life.  Now if he’s at home doing something productive, like trying to find a job or at least trying to start his own business (or writing a novel), then I’m all for his courageous endeavors.  But sweetie, if he’s not doing anything with his life or trying to go somewhere in this lifetime you really should cut him loose before your feelings get any deeper than they already are.

In conclusion: A man or woman can only do to us what we allow.  You can’t complain about a person riding your back if you continue to stoop down and let them get on.

God bless!

Should I Get a Divorce (New)

Ok, I'm trying something new here… I am a fairly young woman, newly married and not happy at all. There have been some issues of infidelity between my husband and I. He really believed that I was cheating on him and got pregnant. Which I wasn’t, but immediately after him accusing my of the things, I started dating a coworker who happens to be married as well. Him and his wife have issues, but not the ones that I'm having. I KNOW that my husband has been cheating and he has a feeling that I have been as well, with NO PROOF. In which I have actual proof, of his dirt, but he won’t admit to it… WE don't have sex we don't communicate, we just live together… for the sake of our kids I would say. But I’m not happy, I know that he's not happy and I really do like the other guy. Which I know that I CANT HAVE. The sad thing is I know that he has feelings for me; it’s more obvious than the relationship with my husband. I really do regret getting married and I have tried to look past our faults, but I don't c him changing. We have been going through his issues for 10 years now, and now I enjoy cheating and haven’t thought twice about it. I feel bad for his wife, but not for my husband. Because of course what goes around comes around… and I'm really not sure what I should do. Do I just scratch this marriage thing? I know that I need to leave the other one alone, but it’s hard. I'm LOST!

Javon64/

Baby girl, if I was a mind reader I would read that you would like nothing more than for me to tell you to scrap your marriage.  Just by reading your email I picked up immediately that even if your husband did have hopes of working things out, you really would like nothing better than to go your separate way.  In your mind the marriage was over a long time ago, however, I don’t think you have built up enough courage to walk away just yet.  It’s so much easier to seek gratification outside of a relationship than it is to face the problems head on inside the home. 

Now Rather you have proof of your husband’s infidelity or not, the fact remains that one of you already cheated, therefore the bond between you two has been broken.  Think about this for a moment. You just told me that you now enjoy cheating on your husband, and that you no longer have any remorse for your actions.  If that’s the case, which it clearly is, then you and your husband should really go your separate ways…and ASAP!  Why continue to live under the same roof if neither of you can trust one another?  When I hear couples say that the only reason they continue to stay together is for the kids, I always hear the words BULLSHIT EXCUSES!   I understand the two of you have kids together, but don’t you think that by staying together for the sack of them that you’ll end up doing them more harm than good.  And regardless what either of you are guilty of doing behind the other’s back, don’t you think you both deserve to be happy for a change?  I mean where’s the damn happiness in creeping around all the time and lying to one another.  That shit sounds like way more hard work than the nut that each of you is getting is worth…and trust me I love to nut (lol). And as for the married guy that you’re creeping with, I won’t even go there because you already know.  Let’s just say that old boy did decide to live his wife and be with you—what makes you think he can be faithful to you anymore than he could to his wife.  Now I don’t condone cheating, BUT…if you are going to get involved with a cheater (especially one that’s married), just do yourself a favor and try not to get emotionally attached, because you will wind up being hurt in the end.  But then again…that is how karma tends to work, isn’t it? 

In conclusion: I’m not one to break up a happy home, however it’s clear to me that your home was already unhappy way before my black ass entered the picture.  With that being said, I suggest that you and your husband sit down with one another and be honest for a change about y’all feelings.  If you’re not happy then you should tell him that, but most importantly, tell him why you’re not happy and how long you have felt this way.  I know from personal experience that cheating on your partner will only succeed in causing you to find bigger fault in them, therefore it’s always best to examine what made you cheat in the first place.  Bringing any post-cheating complaints to the table is kinda unfair because deep down you are really comparing your partner to your lover on the side.  A person can never expect to work things out in a partnership if one or even both of them continue to have a third wheel on the side.

My best advice I can give anyone in your situation is to find a quiet place to sit down and think about what’s truly in their heart.  They should also pray and ask God to help them seek the truth that’s on the inside of them before making a decision that they can’t take back. Once those things are done regardless of the decision you make at least you will be able to do so with a clear conscience.

Always follow your heart and you will never go wrong.

P.S. I said your heart…not your hormones!

GOD BLESS!