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5 Sure Techniques to Build the Confidence You Need to Attract the Opposite Sex
By Javon64
Ecstasy March 08
When it comes to attracting the opposite sex, nothing gets a person’s attention more clearly than someone who exudes self-confidence. Self-confidence shouldn’t be confused with arrogance. A confident person is merely a person that believes in themselves as well as their own ability to succeed. They are not braggadocios or vain in the least bit, because quite simply, they don’t have to be. Others can see their confidence in their walk, talk and the way they carry themselves in their everyday transactions. Some people think that you have to be a movie star or model to have self-confidence but you would be surprised at how many gorgeous looking stars actually lack self-confidence. Keep in mind that self-confidence doesn’t come over night; it has to be slowly developed and constantly exercised, just like you would do to build a muscle in the gym.
1. Developing a confident self-image- The way we view ourselves is most likely the same way others view us. When you look in the mirror if the person you see staring back is an unattractive, insecure person that has a low opinion of oneself, then that’s most likely the same energy you’re putting out. Now imagine that same negative energy forming an invisible barrier between you and potential mates or your current mate. Don’t believe me, just take a moment and recall three people that you know that have low self-esteem and even lower self-confidence. Once you’ve done that I want you to highlight the reasons you chose those individuals and you’ll most likely find that the way they carry themselves made them obvious choices. Now I want you to (if you can) recall how members of the opposite sex respond to those individuals and you’ll see how a confident self-image, or lack thereof, has an affect on relationships. To begin tearing down these negative barricades you must begin at the very foundation and slowly work your way up from there.
At the core of every person is an insecurity of some kind that affects their everyday lives in some form or another. The key is to first find and then admit to yourself (nobody else) what that insecurity is and then take the necessary measures to overcome it. A good way to do that, and I’m sure you’ve all heard this a million times, is to start making a conscious effort to say positive things about yourself on a daily basis. If, for instance, you have a weight insecurity, and thus feel that it’s the reason you haven’t found the partner of your dreams, then you should start telling yourself that the true perfect mate will be someone that accepts you just the way you are. Why? Because in reality there’s nothing wrong with you. You’d be surprised how mysteriously powerful self-confidence can be once you actually start to believe what you’ve been telling yourself over and over again.
2. Initiate conversations- Next to public speaking, initiating a conversation with a complete stranger is probably the second biggest fear of most people in the world. But of course you have those people that’ll say they have no problem initiating conversation with a stranger; however, when it comes to initiating a conversation with someone they’re interested in their courage eludes them. Most of you reading this article can probably recall being in a nightclub on one occasion and seeing someone staring down a member of the opposite sex (or maybe even the same sex) but never did they actually get up and go introduce themselves. Instead they just sat across the bar or dance floor and watched the other person, as if they were a stalker or obsessed maniac. But the truth is they’re far from being either. Like 3 out of 5 people they have a deep-rooted fear of rejection, thus they are probably hoping that the person on the end of their gaze doesn’t share that fear and will initiate the conversation for them. Initiating conversations is just another form of self-confidence. Contrary to popular belief starting a conversation with a stranger is easier to overcome than many would think. And no you don’t have to be intoxicated to do it, either. But what I do suggest for those of you that frequently experience queasiness in your stomach whenever the issue of meeting someone new is raised is this. Every day make it a goal to go out and find at least one stranger of the opposite sex to initiate a conversation with. It doesn’t have to be anything long, just compliment someone on something that they are wearing and ask them where did they buy it. Compliments are a sure conversation starter when it comes to people that you don’t know. Besides that, I’ve never heard of anyone getting upset at another person for telling them that they liked their shoes. Oh…and men. I know that telling a woman that she has a nice butt is considered a compliment in some circles, but unless you’re stuffing a few dollars down her g-string, I wouldn’t try it on the street.
3. Dress from the inside out- When it comes to improving our self-confidence, allot of times what we choose to wear is an exact reflection of how we see ourselves. If a person is feeling blah then their clothes normally reflect that. And just the opposite, if someone is feeling confident, attractive and on top of the world, their clothes normally reflect that as well. In fact, you can normally spot the confident person a mile away in a crowd, just by the way they wear their clothes and carry themselves.
Notice I said the way they wear their clothes as opposed to what they are actually wearing. That’s because I find that people often assume that just because someone is wearing a flashy expensive name brand then they are automatically confident. This is where the popular saying ‘the clothes don’t make the man’ couldn’t be more true. Confidence can’t be purchased; therefore someone just oozing with it can just as easily shop at a thrift store and outshine someone that bought their outfit at Macys. This is why I stress the importance of building self-confidence. When you possess a self-confident attitude the world becomes an open buffet of opportunities for you to choose from, but without it you’re just left with the leftovers. By dressing from the inside out and wearing your clothes proudly you’re simply sharing your confidence with the world. Friends and family won’t quite know what has changed about you but they all will agree that whatever it was it was for the better. And another good thing about self-confidence is that it’s contagious!
4. Love thyself unconditionally- When most people hear me say that they should love thyself, their initial response is usually, “What you mean ‘love myself’? Well of course I love myself. I certainly don’t hate myself”. But the thing is when I say you should love yourself, I mean love yourself, unconditionally—imperfections and all. If asked, 10 out of 10 people would probably agree and say the same thing, that nobody is perfect. However those same 10 people probably have at least one or two things about themselves, whether it is an addiction or insecurity that they hate. The problem with that is whenever you start to resent or dislike any part of yourself, for whatever reason, before long that hate takes root and spreads throughout. Now in no way am I saying that we should all just say to hell with our vices and imperfections and accept them—what I’m saying is that nobody’s perfect, therefore why get down on yourself because of a flaw. Today there are a lot of bitter people walking the planet that didn’t start out that way. Most of them were once happy and content with whom God created each of them to be, however due to some unforeseen events they slowly changed. For some of them that change was maybe the result of a bad breakup, divorce or just some unfortunate circumstances. Now because of what happen in the past, subconsciously they blame themselves and don’t even realize that their self-image has been damaged as a result. And the hard truth of the matter is that if you can’t love thyself, how in the hell can you possibly expect to be able to love a partner? You can’t, that’s how! And those women and men that dare try often end up smothering their partners with their dangerously obsessive tendencies. And no one in their right mind is going to stick around too long for that.
5. Start a light exercise program- Anyone who exercises on a regular basis or has in the past already know how much of a boost it has on your self-esteem and self-confidence. In my opinion if there was ever a cure-all to the lack-of-confidence blues, some light exercising is it. That’s because exercising does a lot more than just decrease love handles—it slowly but surely obliterates a person’s negative opinion of themselves, also. I don’t care who you are, if you can find some way to add just three days a week of exercise to your schedule the reward will be a boost in confidence. And contrary to popular belief you don’t need an expensive gym membership to do it. Working out at home is just effective and cheaper on the pocket book.
In conclusion: Being that years ago I was probably the most unconfident person there was I honestly believe that self-confidence isn’t something that we’re all born with. I also believe that society often plays a big part in stripping people of the little self-confidence that they do have. It’s no wonder that it happens either. Everywhere you look there’s a commercial, ad campaign or video that subliminally sends a message that life would be better if only you looked like this. MTV Cribs, Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, and a whole list of others send the subliminal message that if you ain’t got it like these celebrities then you’re basically a loser. This is why I say it’s important that each of us stop relying on outside sources, whether it’s from our partner, our job, or family to boost our self-esteem.
Relationship Expert, Blogger, Entrepreneur, and Author Javon64 has written two books: The Naked Truth: What Every Woman Wants and Every Man Needs to Know, and The Chapters of Ecstasy. Get more sex and dating advice on his interactive blog at: www.myspace.com/thejavon64
5 Top Ways to Avoid Sending a Booty Call the Wrong Message
By Javon64
Ecstasy Feb 08
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In a perfect world there would be no such thing as a booty call, because every sexual hookup would result in two people living happily ever after. While these types of storybook conclusions may occur often in fairytales, they rarely mirror actual human behavior in the real world. In the real world the consequences of one night stands and sexual flings often result in one person getting too emotionally involved and having their feelings hurt in the process. Although chances are if someone were to backtrack and dissect the booty call situations that resulted in unpleasant endings, they would find that this resulted due to certain rules that were broken. The following are the top things a person should avoid doing when wanting a booty call to remain just that, a booty call.
Be honest- When entering into any booty call (or anything else) arrangement honesty cannot be stressed enough. The biggest reason the majority of booty calls end in heartache is because one, or both people involved were not completely honest about their intentions in the beginning. First and foremost, a booty call can’t be considered a booty call if only one of the two people involved haven’t gotten the memo that that’s what it is.
You see what happens in a lot of booty call situations is that one person, usually the woman, isn’t aware that she’s considered a booty call and nothing else. What happens allot of the times is that the male, who has a significant other (or wife) at home, will purposely withhold that important bit of information, while leading a female on. Therefore, what inevitably winds up happening is the female, who sees no reason to erect defenses around her heart, allows herself to get emotionally involved with someone that only sees her as a booty call. To avoid this from happening it would be wise if men (and some women) would just wise up and start owning up and making their true intentions known. By being upfront and forthright about your intentions from the get go you respectfully give your potential bed partner the option of allowing you into their bed. After all, how many times must we men hear women tell us that if we would have just been honest and told them that all we wanted was a sexual fling they would have been down for whatever?
Avoid pillow talk- Pillow talk is relaxed conversation between two lovers that usually takes place after an intimate romp in the sack. While pillow talk is probably considered harmless to some folks, make no mistake, it can often send the wrong message to someone that, deep down, yearns for a connection. Reason for this is that after sex the average person’s mind enters a relaxed state, and they are then more willing to open up and talk about any and everything. The problem with this is that the longer they lay there, casually talking, the more personal the conversation becomes, which could send the message that there is a chance things can turn serious. You see most people that enter into booty call arrangements do so while fooling themselves into believing that their hearts are safeguarded. However, and unknowingly, after three or four harmless pillow talk encounters, their heart’s defenses begin to come down. They go from, “This situation is strictly sex and nothing else,” to “Wow, we have a lot in common,”—and when that happens, look out. In any booty call situation the moment one person starts seeing the other as more than just a part time lover, that’s when it could be time to check themselves into the heartbreak hotel. But you can avoid all of that if you just simply avoid pillow talk.
Avoid cuddling- Cuddling ranks right up there with pillow talk, and in most instances accompanies it. Again, and like pillow talk, cuddling after sex can seem harmless to the person that truly has their feelings and emotions under control. However, just because you may have your feelings in check, you can never speak for the person lying beside you. In addition, being that cuddling normally accompanies harmless pillow talk, makes it even more dangerous.
So many emotional walls have crumbled under unforeseen pressure of that pinnacle after sex moment while lying in bed. Those innocent moments when a female’s head rests gently on her lover’s chest, as they talk about random topics, are a dead giveaway that a sexual fling’s expiration date is nearing.
No long phone conversations- If there is an open understanding that neither of you are looking for a love connection then there should be no phone conversations, period. Phone conversations only lead to get-to-know-you conversations, which can ultimately lead to heartbreak hotel (for you) if that is not what the other person is looking for. Speaking of which, there should be no querying into the life of your booty call partner at all really. Asking personal questions such as anything relating to past relationships or heartbreaks only sends the subliminal message that you are interested…even if you’re not. To be on the safe side it’s best to just keep it business and that’s all. A quick phone call or email to get hook up times and places are good enough. Anything else and you run the risk of sending the wrong message, and if that’s not what you are intentionally intending to do then it’s being dishonest.
Honor the expiration date- The most important thing to remember about any and every booty call situation is they all have an expiration date. In the beginning of nearly all these random hook ups, the bedroom magic is about as mesmerizing as a David Blaine performance. Nevertheless, just as Mr. Blain’s magic tricks got old, so will the come-and-go alluring freedom that inhabits booty calls. The booty call date of expiration is none other than when, for one of the individuals involved, infatuation and lust are replaced by emotional attachment. Some people in these situations fool themselves by believing that having an emotional attachment to a booty call is no reason to cut the relationship short.
They unsuccessfully suppress their deep yearning to have their booty call around them more and more, while fighting the urge call or email them just because. Instead, and against their better judgment, they continue sleeping with their booty call while cultivating their own developing feelings in the process. The truth is there is no real way to prolong a booty call past the expiration date once that date is in view. Reason being is that the expiration date of a booty call arrangement signifies the birth of the very thing both individuals wanted to avoid in the first place—a relationship. And being that there is no turning back once that time has come, the best thing to do for both parties involved is honor that expiration date and move on.
In conclusion: After reading over this booty call playbook you find that the things discussed are things you cannot adhere to then entering into a booty call arrangement might not be for you.
Relationship Expert, Blogger, Entrepreneur, and Author Javon64 has written two books: The Naked Truth: What Every Woman Wants and Every Man Needs to Know, and The Chapters of Ecstasy. Get more sex and dating advice on his interactive blog at: www.myspace.com/thejavon64
By Javon64
Ecstasy Dec 07 This month I want to share a recent article I wrote for a new trendsetting, African magazine that focuses on the lifestyles of Africans living in the
10 Signs You Are Ready For Marriage
1. You’re tired of boyfriend/girlfriend title- It comes a time in every couple’s relationship when dating, sleepovers, or just plain shacking up together doesn’t seem like quite enough anymore. Wearing the title of boyfriend or girlfriend suddenly isn’t supplying that same blanket of security and comfort that it once did during the embryo faze of your relationship. Now when you imagine what it could actually be like to wake up each morning beside your husband or wife, you don’t feel all queasy in the stomach like you use to. Frankly, you just feel like you and your better half have been dating long enough to do away with the FRIEND title altogether, and make it official. You know you’re ready to get married when you feel that you could actually do without the fancy pansy webbing and jump a broom if it means attaching Mr. or Mrs. to your name.
2. You now envy your married friends- There was a time when hanging out with your married friends was so dull and sickening that you wanted to slit your wrist. You can’t ever recall when you use to look at their marriage and wish that you had the same thing—but you do now. It’s even worse if you were good friends with someone before they got hitched, because you can clearly see the 360 degree change in their mentality. All of a sudden they don’t do the same things they use to do before they exchanged their vows, and quite honestly, you know that they aren’t missing out on anything spectacular. In fact you’d gladly toss in your cards and go shopping for a tux or wedding gown at the drop of a wedding band if you could. And to think that not too long ago you and this same person probably use to hang out at the clubs until the wee hours of the night, hoping to meet Mr. or Ms. Right. Well now that’s all changed and the only thing you can think about is how can you get what they got? Thoughts like those are a dead giveaway that marriage is definitely in your forecast.
3. Ready to start a family- Lately you’ve been thinking about starting a family. Your partner and you have talked about it in the past, however that was back when the candles on your birthday cake didn’t take so much lung power to blow them all out. In a nutshell, time is steady trickling by right before your eyes and you would like to start a family soon, before playing catch in the front yard with your kids warrants joint medication. On the other hand, you might just be someone that already has children but you’re tired of bringing different people in and out of their life. You’re sick of having to introduce new dates to your kids while not knowing if whether or not in a few months they will still be around.
4. Nothing spells commitment like a marriage contract- Let’s face it, nothing says long-term like a marriage contract. Although you and your partner have probably been together since Moses parted the
5. You’ve been with your partner forever- As we discussed earlier, there comes a time when the boyfriend/girlfriend title gets old, plain and simple. Once you’ve been with your partner long enough to where you feel that you know them inside out it’s time to upgrade your arrangement. Marriage is not the place to get to know someone. By the time two people get married they both should already be familiar with most or even all the quirky, annoying things each of them are capable of. The mistake that lots of people make is going into a marriage blind, which happens when you don’t take the time to get to know the person that you plan to spend the rest of your life with.
6. You are financially independent- By financially independent I mean that you can take care of yourself without the aid of your spouse. That means that you pay your own bills and basically have zero debt. What a lot of people don’t realize is that finances is one of the biggest reasons most marriages fail. Marriage is a partnership; therefore, when two people come together they don’t only do so in matrimony, they do so in debt as well. That’s why it is so important to be sure that all your debt is taken care of before exchanging those sacred vows, because if not, your wedding won’t be the only astronomical expense you inherit. You’re inherit your spouse’s debt and bad credit.
7. You know your partner inside out- Again, knowing your partner cannot be stressed enough. So many couples get married and find out much later that their spouse has all these nasty little habits that they weren’t aware of. And you know what’s worse than being married to someone that has a bunch of nasty habits? Being married to someone with a bunch of nasty habits that you cannot tolerate. But guess what? The remedy for this is simple—take your time and get to know someone before you even consider being with them the rest of your life. Trust me…you just might be glad that you did.
8. You and your partner’s goals are similar- Nothing works more in favor of two people in a marriage than both of them having similar goals. Now there’s no need to be alarmed if for example; your partner only wants one kid, but you are leaning more toward two or three. Little things like that can be worked out without a fraction of the trouble. However, if your partner is dead set against having children, but you do want kids one day, then this might cause a major problem later on down the road. That’s why it’s important for you and your partner to discuss your future plans and goals before getting married.
9. Trust isn’t an issue with you and your partner- Trust is by far the most important thing in any relationship. Without trust everything in the relationship is just surface. But I’m guessing that if you’re thinking about getting married trust isn’t an issue (I hope). You see when a couple has trust nothing at all can come between that. Real trust is not having to question what your partner tells you, even if someone else may have whispered something else in your ear. When you have that kind of trust it should never be taken lightly or for granted. Trust can be a strong foundation in a relationship if you have enough of it, however is you don’t have enough that foundation can crumple to pieces. So with that said, if you and your partner trust one another with your very lives, and you’re not even married yet, you might want to start looking at halls to rent out and invitations to put in the mail.
10. You’re sexually attracted to one another- I saved the best, and most important, for last. Without a doubt it is a must that you and whoever you marry are sexually attracted to one another. This does not mean that you are vain by any means. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and at the end of the day what one person finds attractive someone else might not. Nevertheless, you must realize that if you plan to have sex with the same person for the rest of your life, you don’t want to dread seeing them without any clothes on, do you? What everyone in the world knows, but few will actually admit, is that sex is extremely important in any relationship, and even more important in a marriage. When it comes to a marriage, I admit there are a few things that can be overlooked, however sexual attraction for your spouse is not one of them. So if you know without a doubt that your partner and you are like two horny rabbits over each other then you already have a high probability that your marriage will succeed. Either way no matter how you look at it, sex really does make the world go-round.
I hope this list of things helps all of those that are maybe thinking about taking that next big step in your relationship. Just keep in mind at that, like any relationship, marriage isn’t without its problems. Perseverance, patience, and most importantly, LOVE, is what helps any relationship survive the storms they encounter. Hmm…now that I think about it, those very three things are what ultimately get you to the Church Alter, anyway. **wink**
God bless you all!
Changing a Booty Call into something serious (Real talk)
By Javon64
Ecstasy Dec 06
One of my beautiful new myspace friends named Lucia shot me an email asking my opinion on something. She wanted me to talk a little about the possibilities of whether or not a woman that has started a relationship off as a booty call could change it into something stable. She and I both felt that a lot of women would benefit from such an article, so I decided to give it a go. Also, check out Lucia’s website at www.theartoflove.net. And here’s a little more about this up and coming
Lucia currently has a TV talk show in
And to think I thought I was making moves. Now let’s jump into this article, shall we…
It would be wise for any woman that has started a relationship solely on booty calls, not to become too optimistic on reversing the damage done. This is not to say that it cannot be achieved…it will just be somewhat of a challenge. Moreover, here is why.
When a woman first meets a man that she finds interesting, and he feels likewise, one of two things always happens in that man’s mind. He either perceives her as being an easy lay, or someone that is worth/requires time invested before getting into her pants. Those of you that have been with the Ecstasy Newsletter for a little while are familiar with the term men play with love to get sex, and women play with sex to get love. Ok, it’s no big secret that the average man loves sex. However, the less he has to work for that sex the better——at least in his mind, anyway. Although, the less he has to work for it, the less he appreciates it in the long run. If you want to understand this logic better, just take anything in life that we (men and women) have to work for. Although everyone loves a free handout every now and then, deep down there is just less appreciation for the things that come with minimum work and effort. Imagine for a second that someone gives you five hundred dollars to spend as you see fit, and they tell you that there’s more where that came from—would you really be as budget conscience with it, as you would be if you had put in the necessary work and discipline and saved it yourself? I think not. Again, this is not saying that it is impossible to change a booty call into a relationship—I just feel that it is important to see how a man’s mind operates first.
Women must first understand that a large majority of men judge women by the length of time it takes to get her into his bed. One night stands and booty calls hardly ever make the serious girlfriend roster of a man, because in his mind she’s easy and makes a habit of such behavior—even if in all actuality she doesn’t. This is a sexiest thing to assume, I know, because what makes him any better than the woman that he’s taking to bed on that first night? Absolutely nothing, I know. You see if a man has a booty call that he is sexing on the regular, then nine times out of ten, he also has someone steady that he is trying to get to know on an intimate level as well. In other wards, he has a completely different woman on the side or in his life that he’s probably wining and dining on the regular, doing all the things that men do when they are genuinely interested in someone. By keeping that spare booty call woman in his rolodex, he enables himself to appear more disciplined and gentlemen like with the main woman that he’s trying to woo into a serious relationship. In the main girl’s mind, he’s the perfect gentlemen because he has never made any sexual advancing of any kind, when in reality; he’s getting all the sex he needs from good ole fateful.
The messed up thing about the whole situation is that the booty call chick and the one that he’s seeing on the side could be just alike in personality, looks, values, and the way they both make him feel, but because of the fact that the first chick started the relationship out on booty call terms, she is automatically downgraded. I hope I didn’t loose anyone back there, because it’s about to get really interesting.
Some men and their friends share a lot of intimate details when it comes to sexing different women. However, they only share the intimate details about those women that they do not consider special, or girlfriend material…i.e. booty calls. Let’s just say for instance that a guy was banging a certain booty call chick on the regular, and after a few months, she starts wanting more. Even if that guy has considered the possibilities of taking that relationship to another level, he might reconsider if she’s the one that he has been telling all his buddies about. Especially if he’s told his boys how freaky she is in the bed, how she sucks him off and even swallows his children on Q. The last thing that man wants is for his boys to look at him like he’s some sort of pussy whipped fool…even if he is. Now this isn’t the case all the time…just 20% of the time. Now for the real messed up part.
Truth be told, a lot of booty calls that men have, are just that, booty calls. Not wifey material, dating material, and certainly not take-you-home-to-meet-the-folks material. This is sad to say, but if a man is content on having a female as a booty call and nothing else, you would best believe that it’s because of one of the following. He’s either married, in a relationship, or only interested in her sexually. On those rare occasions, I’ve seen where the man was on the receiving end, and it was the woman that these reasons applied to. But again, I said that was rare.
Now let us deal with the important question of the month. How does a woman go about getting changing a booty call into a steady thing?
First you must be able to define how this man really feels about you. This will not be easy considering the fact that a hard dick always talks soft when it wants a nut. This is actually the most difficult thing to do, because it is not always easy to accept the possibility that all you are to another person is a fuck. Nonetheless, you must do this if you want to know once and for all if this relationship is doomed to remain how it started out. Here are a few simple ways to tell if you are wasting your time, or dealing with a keeper.
Is he in a relationship- This is first and foremost. Ladies, if the man that you are having booty calls with is married or has a girlfriend, then you can hang it up. Besides—and I know I’m beating a dead horse here—who really wants to start a relationship with a man that was willing to leave his home for you. I subscribe to the saying that if they cheated to be with you, then they will cheat on you! Need we go any further on this one?
What is his call pattern like- If the only times that he calls is to set up booty call appointments, don’t waste your time. This is a dead giveaway that all he sees you as is a sex-buddy. Nevertheless, if you don’t believe me and want to pursue him anyway, do yourself a favor and ask him why he doesn’t ever offer to take you out on dates. And if you then buy the shit that he shovels your way, all I can say is more power to you.
What is he like, after sex- Meaning, does he make excuses to leave shortly after, or does he stick around and chat for a while—or sleep over. However, if he is always finding a slick way of getting lost every time y’all finish exchanging O-faces that is a bad sign. Although it is a good sign if he constantly sticks around to talk about everything under the sun, he could be developing feelings for you.
Does he ever call just to call- This is important when trying to figure out how your booty call sees you. If he’s the type that calls you out the blue just to talk or find out how you are doing then you have a shot. Men with a string of booty calls on the side don’t usually call to shoot the shit with each and every one of them——unless they have game like a few cats that I’ve known, that goes that extra mile to make each booty call feel special, even when she’s not. But they never give too much; they don’t want to give her the wrong idea…like they might want to take this good thing to another level (lol). But if you are one of the lucky ones that can call your booty call whenever, and talk about whatever for an hour or two, then you have a good chance of turning the tables in your favor.
Does he use excuses to avoid long term commitment – The following are a few excuses from guys that most likely have no intentions whatsoever of ever entertaining anything other than booty calls. No way are the following solely limited to just these excuses. With all the progressive changes and technological advancements of each generation, so comes the advancements and inventiveness of better lies and more creative excuses from men. LOL!
Right now I have too much going on to have a steady girl- What’s really being said is don’t expect me to call your ass 24/7. If you let me hit it and don’t hear from me for a couple of weeks, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
I’ve just got out of a real bad relationship, so all I can really deal with right now is a friend to talk to from time to time- Y’all know this means…
I’m out of town with my job way too much to have a girlfriend right now, but I’m looking for a cool female to chill with when I’m in town- This cat has the words booty call stamped on his forehead. Take my advice…when he tells you that he’s out of town, do yourself a favour and swing by his crib and just sit outside like a stalker. Trust me; the silhouettes that you see of two people inside his place won’t be burglars.
Have you met anyone important in his life- By that I mean, have you met any of the homeboys, or someone in his life that you know he cares a great deal about, like a parent. Now-a-days the homeboys don’t count as much because they don’t really care who he cheats on or is screwing on the side. However in a lot of situations, the parents or whoever he was raised by has a lot of say so. If you’ve never been introduced to someone with somewhat of a paternal role in his life then that might be because they already think that he’s in a relationship.
Conclusion: It’s my honest opinions that when it comes to booty calls and changing them into something serious, women need to thoroughly examine the man’s actions that are in question. You don’t need some expensive psychology degree to know whether or not you’re wasting your time. If you have to ponder the possibilities that much then nine out of ten times you’re probably better off with either leaving things as is, or moving on and finding you someone that wants something more stable. Me personally, I feel that booty calls are cool if both people involved can manage to keep their hearts from getting entangled. If you know that you are the type that has a hard time separating sex and love, then booty calls might not be for you.
The art of giving head (Do’s and Don’ts)
By Javon64
Ecstasy Jan 07
http://www.myspace.com/thejavon64
Now days, every woman thinks she either knows, or want to know hot to give what a lot of men refer to as that FIRE HEAD. Those of you that have seen the video know all too well that Superhead Karrine Stevens is a pro. Although, she might tell you otherwise, I am sure she did not get that way over night. Just as any man that considers himself a pro at the art of cunnilingus, he did not get that way over night—myself included. However, if you are anything like me, I am also sure that you always have an eye open for any new techniques, or anything that might add to your own.
Do’s
Want to do it- A lot of you women know exactly what I mean by this one. Just pretend that you are enjoying yourself and your man will too. That means that it will not necessarily kill you to moan a little while you are handling your business—pretend like you haven’t eaten in days, and his package is the Oscar Myer Savior.
Use a little spit- Spitting on your man’s dick while you’re sucking him off just adds to the raunchy moment. When you spit on the dick it not only lubes up the shaft, but it also shows your man that you’re not afraid to get down and dirty with his ass. If the lights are out, make sure to let him hear you spit—sound is everything, and will make his dick that much harder. Moreover, if you really want to get nasty with it—and earn some extra credit points—make sure your man sees the long saliva strand still connected from his cock to your lips. Talk about an aphrodisiac, he’ll be begging you not to stop.
Take to your man while you’re down there- Y’all dirty mouth girls know what I’m talking about on this one. Nothing gets a man’s juices pumping faster than you asking him how he wants you to suck the dick. You know what I mean, but if you don’t, try this: “You like me sucking that big juicy dick, daddy! Tell me how you want me to suck that nasty dick! Mmmm, this some good dick, baby!” Y’all feeling me…all of you have read enough of my stories to know what’s up. lol
Don’t forget about the balls- The testicles are one of the most overlooked pleasure spots on a man. Ladies, it won’t kill you to jiggle your man’s balls around in your mouth a little while you’re at it, will it? However, remember that above all else, you must be very gentle, because a man’s balls are his weakness—hence the saying, I had him by the balls. Not too much attention needs to be applied in this area, but it adds to the arousal if you at least touch on them, or kiss them.
Don’t skip over the ass- If your man is homophobic don’t even bother—but if he’s secure in his manhood like I am, then you mustn’t forget to tickle his fanny with your tongue. Sad to say, but a lot of men don’t even know that their asshole is where their male G-spot is located. If your man were to let you play around with his ass while you sucked him off, he would experience the orgasm of a lifetime. And no that doesn’t mean that he is gay nor have any homosexual tendencies. Closed-minded homophobic people are going to be the death of me, I swear.
Worship the cock- This is my personal favorite right here. Basically, worshiping the cock lines up with wanting to suck the cock. You can’t very well worship the cock if you don’t want to be down there in the first place, right? When I think of worshiping the cock, I picture a woman, kissing and rubbing the cock all over her pretty face, as if it was the greatest thing ever created. She talks to the cock in a low whisper, telling it and her man how good it tastes. She even smells the cock, sniffing the whole erotic mood up her nostrils as she kisses it lightly while tracing the vein with her tongue. That ladies, is how you worship your man’s cock.
Deep throat- Let’s just cut the shit and be real here. Life is hardly a porno movie. That being said, I don’t know too many women that deep-throat their man’s bird every time they can get their mouths on it, do you? Now, I’m not talking about those of you that take pride in your oral skillz—you women are a special breed. I’m talking about the women out there that consider head a special treat that their man only gets if he’s been good—and even then it’s a peck-peck and done type of job. For those kinds of women, can you at least attempt to deep-throat your man’s shit. Now if your man is working with 9 or 10 inches, I understand…but if he is barely reaching 4 inches then you ought to be ashamed of yourselves (lol). And for those of you that fear the notorious gag reflex, try practicing with a banana—though those of you who purchased my book know that from the poem, Ms. Jones!
Lick the dick with passionate exuberance- If y’all notice, damn near everything up to now all points back to wanting to suck your man’s cock. As a past friend of mine always use to say; without passion, there can be no purpose. Ladies, when you are down on your man, you should have the mentality that you are trying to sell an ice cream commercial to someone that has never ever tasted ice cream a day in their life. Your man should be able to look down at you and think to himself; damn, she make my dick seem good than a muthafucka…make me want to taste my own shit. When he does that, you will know you are one bad mama jama!
Season the cock- Crazy as this might sound, some women need a little extra incentive to make them want to stay down on their man longer. What I suggest is a sweet topping of your choice, such as whip cream, chocolate syrup, or any other topping that suits your taste buds. Look at it this way—if you enjoy the way your man’s dick tastes, you will put more heart and passion into your work, while at the same time giving him the blowjob of a lifetime, or shall I say that FIRE HEAD.
Keep the lights on- I know that some of you have a complex about a man looking at you while you’re giving him head, but trust me, if you leave the lights on it will just make everything more intense. If too much light is not your thing, then at least leave the television on, so he can at least see you a little bit. You see, y’all must remember that your average man is more visual than anything else, which is why we are more aroused by porno movies than the average women. So the next time you get ready to perform oral sex on your man, try doing it with the lights on and see what a difference it makes.
Swallow- Those of you that have not joined me on myspace yet really do not know what you are missing. In the first part of November, I did a blog on oral sex and the answers that came back were both educational and extremely entertaining. What I learned was the importance of both, women swallowing, and men eating the right things to make them want to swallow. Now personally, I don’t know what a man’s cum tastes like, but I can safely say that after reading my blog responses that it can be very disgusting if the man hasn’t been eating properly. From what you women tell me, vegetarians have some very tasty sperm, as apposed to a guy that has just finished eating a whole bag of Funions chips. Nevertheless, getting back to the subject at hand, ladies, if you can find it in yourselves to swallow your man’s sperm, he would probably cum three of four more times on general principle alone.
Don’ts
Don’t use teeth- This goes without saying, actually. Ladies, if you could just imagine how it feels to a man when your teeth accidentally scrap over the head of his penis, you would be more careful. Now if you do it by accident that’s one thing, but I’ve overheard many women giving advice to other women to use a little teeth while blowing their men. Take it from me, uh-uh, nada, noooo way!!! Back in the day, I use to mess with this girl that had one huge overbite, and let me tell you; when she would go down on a brother, it was like sending my dick through a meat grinder. In hindsight, her overbite had noting to do with it—she just didn’t know what she was doing. And she had the nerve to tell me that it was all my fault that her teeth kept scraping my shit, because I kept jerking. Can you believe that shit?
Tweety Bird Syndrome- This is for all of you women out there that either don’t want to give your man head, or just never took the time to learn how. Stop pecking around a brother’s Johnson like you’re allergic to the shit. And y’all know what I’m talking about—those of you that give a peck here and a peck there. Seriously, a brother would be better off training to be a contortionist, so he could bend over and suck his own shit. Come on ladies, put your mouth into, show your man that you want to satisfy him, devour the dick!!!
The Foreplay Guide to a Woman’s Ecstasy
By Javon64 Ecstasy Feb 07
Last month I wrote an article instructing ladies how to give better head. I must say that of all the numerous articles I’ve written in the past, that one received the most praise. I’m actually still receiving emails from wives, husbands and boyfriends around the world, thanking me for uplifting their sex lives. Because of this, I figured that it was only fair to return this month with a foreplay guide to warming the ladies up. Just look at it like this; foreplay can have the same effect on women that alcohol has on someone. If you give them enough of it, there’s no telling what they with open up and try in the bedroom. So with Valentine’s Day right around the corner, I wanted to do something special for the ladies to say thank you for all your love and support.
Cooking dinner- Cooking dinner for a lady is a definite form of foreplay that shouldn’t be taken lightly. Women overall prefer there minds to be aroused before anything else. In a woman’s mind is where they yearn for the seduction to take place first. All the caressing, kissing, hugging and sexual intercourse should be secondary. Honestly, most women could care less if their man can cook or not—it’s the fact that he did something other than taking them through a quick drive-thru restaurant that counts. Put simply, women just want to feel appreciated. Many of them crave the hot raunchy sex just as men do, but they done want to feel like they were used afterwards. In there minds if they at least get a home cooked meal and some warm conversation out the deal then it was worth it. Conversation and soft music- Warm conversation and soft music after dinner is the perfect way to get a woman’s hormones rolling. By warm conversation, I mean really getting to know them for who they are and what they want out of life. Women love nothing better than to talk, and you’ll be doing yourself a big service if you sit back and listen. All told, you probably won’t get a word in edgewise, but when she looks back on that night, she’ll still say, “I finally found a man that I can have an intelligent conversation with.” Throw in the right music, a little alcohol, and sexy topic and her panties will be wet before you even lay a finger on her. Kissing- Sometimes kissing is one of the most overlooked foreplay acts in the bedroom. Back when I was slanging dick in the streets like nobody’s business, you couldn’t pay me to kiss a random fuck buddy intimately. While my reasons for not kissing were probably different from most—a lot of men tend to skip this effective fire starting method, either due to anxiousness to get down to business or just plain lack of emotional attachment. What past experiences have taught me, though, was that kissing during foreplay (and sex) is one of the most effective ways to insure that your woman’s vagina canal stays flooded. And one more thing…I don’t know one woman that enjoys a sloppy kiss, so do what you must but don’t kill the mood with inexperience kissing techniques. Or just remind yourself to keep swallowing your spit while the two of you are lip locking. Body massage- Body massages are my specialty. The best body massages are when the woman that you’re massaging is completely comfortable in your hands. How will you know? Easy, when she is willing to get butt naked and let you massage her entire body with warm oils. The important thing to remember here is not to rush the massage, regardless how hard you dick is. Take your time as if you were a trained masseuse and make sure to explore every inch of her body as if she was paying you to do so. You see, foreplay to a woman adds up to way over 50% of the whole sexual act itself. Therefore if the foreplay is hot and sensual enough, there won’t be any doubt about it that the sex will be, too. Lay your cock in-between her ass- If there was ever a habit that I have in the bedroom, this would have to be it. What this does is sends a subliminal message that you are very aroused by your lady…and that does wonders for her confidence. To know that her naked body makes her man’s dick this hard does amazing things to a woman’s confidence. It works best if done while performing the erotic massage. Like me, most me can’t resist the urge of laying their hard dick in-between the crack of a woman’s ass while straddling her from the back. Once the dick is in place, continue to slide it up and down her crack while licking up and down her spine and massaging her shoulders. Again keep in mind that this is not the time to try to slide your cock in, regardless how hard it is. Although by now your lady will probably be more than ready for you to give her the dick, it would be even better if you were to wait—after all, it’s the journey to the sex that’s the most unforgettable to a woman, not the destination.
Rimming- Looked at by some as a dark taboo act, rimming is the ultimate high for a woman. For those of you that are still in the dark ages, rimming is simply licking around the outside of the anus. Well actually, licking around the outside of the anus is for beginners. If you’re anything like me, once you see the impact of this raunchy act has on your woman you will want to raise the bar. To do that, you must insert your tongue as deep as it will go into her anus and hold it there, and enjoy her reaction. We’re all grown, so I’m sure I don’t have to preach the importance of doing this with someone you trust only, right? Sucking the nipples- A woman’s nipples should never be ignored; fore they are an extremely sensitive area. For me, I use the same method on her nipples as I do on her clit—gently sucking each protruding nipple while flicking my tongue back and forth across the surface. Some women like for a man to bite their nipples a little while he’s sucking them. You notice I didn’t say maul her tender breast—although some women are into that shit, I suggest a light nibble and if she wants you to bite harder she will tell you. Toe sucking- Toe sucking is another guaranteed way to get your girl’s juices flowing. Although there are some women out there that won’t let a man within two inches of there feet—there are plenty of them that will. For those that will, this is another guaranteed way to ensure you reach third base without striking out. While sucking your woman’s toes, in the back of your mind you should always be asking yourself one question. If someone were watching me right now, would it appear that I am enjoying myself so much that they would want to swap places with me? If you can answer yes to that question, than you are on the right track.
Inner thigh- I love watching a woman’s reaction while I kiss and lick her inner thigh. Being that you are inches away from her pussy ranks this foreplay move way up on the intensity meter. This should definitely be performed before you before you perform oral, because by the time you finally reach her vagina, she will be putty in your hands. Sucking her clit- If every guy that swears by their dick that they are a pro at oral sex, why are there so many unsatisfied women in the world. While some women can cum solely from a man simply heading face first in the direction of her vagina—others need a little more incentive to open their floodgates. For those women it takes a man that generally wants to be down in-between her legs in the first place. Your enthusiasm is an aphrodisiac in itself to that woman, and it should be channeled through your mouth when you peel back her tender vagina lips to go in. For me, I make sure to concentrate on the clit, simultaneously sucking and flicking my tongue back and forth across its surface. For women with small clits, you can really drive them crazy by using both your thumbs to spread her lips apart so that the clit is visible, and then putting your mouth over it and sucking. Without a doubt she will be moaning your name right as she gets ready to cum on your face. And whatever you do…always swallow! Fingering- Fingering a woman while you’re sucking on her clit (or anywhere else on her body) can be just as arousing as putting your cock inside her. Just think of it as you’re just stirring the honey pot. For me, fingering comes when she’s wetter than wet and most definitely while I’m giving mouth to pussy stimulation. Women all over the world will agree that nothing beats having their pussy eaten and fingered at the same time. The best way is while sliding your finger, or fingers in and out of her pussy, put all your concentration into stimulating her click. Take it from me; she will not be able to contain herself. What I also like to do is put my thumb in her pussy and my index finger in her asshole and gently slide them in and out, while I suck her clit. Talk about being whipped afterwards….you will probably have to get a restraining order to keep her away from you. Let her cum first- This is no different than opening that door for a lady for her to pass through first. Men must get in the habit of letting their women cum before the thought even crosses their minds. While eating pussy I make it my business to stay down there until my woman ether cums or beg me to stick the dick in. I think that just comes with being a gentleman, so I won’t harp on this one any longer than I have to. The last thing that I want this article to do is offend any men out there. Some of this shit is elementary, I know…but I believe that sometimes we all get so comfortable in our relationships that we start half stepping in the bedroom department. Where couples use to have sex as frequent as they eat and sleep, they have started settling for just once or twice a month, or only on special occasions. In so many households, sex has started to become that dreaded choir that we find ourselves rushing through. Now days everyone is so caught up with getting ahead and keeping their heads above water that they don’t even realize their relationships are sinking. I understand that due to a many hectic schedules with work, school, kids, and God knows what else, that sometimes we are just too damn exhausted to have that mind blowing sex. But we must also remember back to how things use to be with our significant other—back to when it didn’t matter how busy we were, we still looked anxiously forward to getting their clothes off. We need to get back to those days when foreplay was more exhausting than the actual sex itself. Those are the day’s I’m talking about. Doing all of the things that I have outlined here just keeps our sexual foundation solid and impenetrable to outside influences. Because believe me…you don’t want your woman running to the bed of another man for something that you should have been giving her all along! HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY! Sex Talk: 5 Mind Blowers to Get Back the Spice in your Sex life
By Javon64 Ecstasy July 07 Being that I receive tons of emails on a daily basis, from women asking about tips on spicing up their sex lives, I decided to touch on a few things this month.
Before I begin, let me first say that in no way does Javon64 ever promote sexual promiscuity, cheating or violent sex acts of any kind. What I do believe is that while sex isn’t the most important adhesive that holds a relationship together—it most certainly makes a difference as to how tight that bond is. At the end of the day I just want everyone to know that Javon64 is just an open-minded cat that believes that what goes on in a person’s bedroom is their business.
Now let’s add some spice!
http://www.myspace.com/thejavon64
Myspace page: www.myspace.com/thejavon64
The Biggest Mistakes that Women Make Concerning Men and SEX! (Part 1)
By Javon64 Ecstasy April 07
With this being the 2 year anniversary of the Ecstasy Newsletter, I wanted to write something special for all of the men and women that have held me down these 2 crazy and stressful years. I thank you all because each and every one of you does his/her part by forwarding this newsletter on to all their friends, family, and coworkers month after month. To all my inmates that are locked up but fortunate enough to have a loved one that prints and mails my newsletter each month, keep your head up…and thanks for passing me along to your fellow homeys. I can’t stress the value and impact that word of mouth has had on something that my black ass started way back when. All of my subscribers and readers are truly AWESOME and if not for all of you, Javon64 wouldn’t be growing into the name that it is slowly becoming.
Thank you…and I TRULY DO LOVE YOU ALL!
P.S. To all my lovely ladies that are about to read this article, I only ask that you do me one HUGE favor. “Please don’t shoot the messenger.”
Myspace URL: www.myspace.com/thejavon64
